Scanxiety

The nurse at my oncologist's office told me what they call the feeling between the day of the scan and the day we meet with the doctor to get the results - scanxiety. Unfortunately, we cancer patients live with scans and tests of all kinds.

Ever since my cancer diagnosis, I've been getting either PET-CT or CAT scans either every 3 months or 6 months depending on the treatment and how the lab numbers look. Lab tests are used to keep an eye on what the red and white blood cells are doing and how the liver and kidneys are holding up. EKG's watch out for my heart. Blood tests also check for tumor markers - in my case CA 27-29.

I had my latest PET-CT scan last Friday, the second week of January of the new year, and I hit my personal deductible for the year by a good margin! Yes, scans are expensive but, in the case of cancer, they're about the best way to look at where the cancer is and whether it has grown bigger or moved somewhere else.

Between that Friday and Tuesday of this week when I met with the doctor, there was a level of worry. Very seldom have I gotten good news from a scan. Since July of 2018, 1 big spot in the breast, 1 lesion on L1 and 1 lesion on L3 (both spine), my cancer has progressed to multiple lesions on the spine, a couple of spots on one leg, 1 spot on one arm, a couple of lymph nodes and, the most worrisome, a spot on the liver. Of course, I'm going to be anxious and worried.

I try to focus on any good news (spot on the liver seems smaller) but there's always some bad news to go with it (more spots on the bone) it seems. I am not an emotional person but finding out what the cancer is doing puts me through an emotional roller coaster. I've talked to other patients in the chemo room and we all have the same yo-yo effect going.

I told a friend just today that I could have dealt with Stage I, II, or III cancer of just about any kind but Stage IV is a whole different world. My best bet is to find a treatment that buys me the most time and hope that researchers will find something to keep me alive longer than a few years.

I guess scans aren't so bad if they mean that I still have hope and treatments to look forward to. Here's to the next scan - may it show something good!

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